Hey Reader!

It was snack time.

Everyone was sitting at the table. Crackers were opened. Cups were poured.

And then it happened. Pfffft.

A child spit.
Right on the table.

The teacher froze.

Her stomach tightened.
Her heart raced.
Her brain said, “Absolutely not.”

Spitting is one of those behaviors.
It’s gross.
Copy Cats tend to take notice!
And it can push even the calmest teacher right to the edge.

But instead of reacting, she did something different.

She paused.

And that pause changed everything.

One Simple but Powerful Tip

Pause and ask: What is this child trying to get or avoid?

That pause matters.

When we don’t pause:

• We jump to punishment
• We escalate the moment
• We miss the real need

When we do pause:

• We become detectives
• We stay calmer
• We teach real skills

A Better Response to Spitting

Instead of saying: “Stop that right now!”

This teacher said: “You may not spit at the table. But you may spit in the trash can.”

She handed the child a napkin. She pointed to the trash.

The message was clear:

• The behavior wasn’t okay
• The need was still met

The child spit in the trash. Then again. Then one more time.

And just like that…
the moment passed.

No big reaction from the teacher. No more reaction from other kids. Sensory need met.

Why This Works

Spitting often happens because a child wants:

• Space
• Control
• A strong sensory feeling
• A big reaction from adults

By giving a replacement behavior, you:

• Keep everyone safe (and dry)
• Reduce power struggles
• Teach what to do, not just what not to do

Is it socially appropriate to spit at snack time? No! But allowing a child to spit in the trash can removes the “fun factor” in watching reactions from others and it meets the sensory need the child may have.

Try This With Other Big Behaviors

Instead of only stopping the behavior, offer a replacement and see what happens:

• Hitting → push the wall or squeeze Play-Doh
• Running → run inside a hula hoop
• Throwing chairs → throw beanbags in a corner
• Refusing → offer two choices

The goal is not perfection. The goal is regulation.

You’re Doing Holy Work

Big behaviors don’t mean you’re failing.
They mean a child trusts you enough to show their struggle.

Pause.
Get curious.
Offer a better way.

You don’t have to fix everything - just take the next right step.

And remember:
you are not alone. We’re all in this together!

Cheering you on this week!

-Your ECCN team

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Listen to this podcast episode with host Monica Healer now on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

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